But God, it's not fair!

God, I am SOOOO hurt by this! Noone understands... Noone! My feelings are really really hurt! Why are you doing this to me? Don't you understand how much this hurts? Are you even listening to me, God? I thought you loved me... I keep hearing about how loving you are and how you won't allow your "sheep to go astray." But this is not what I expected from you! If you love me, then fix this! Make it go away.......

Our God is a righteous God. He is a fair God. He is the master builder and the one who calls us to build our house on rock rather than sand. However, the things He can (and does) do often seem to be unfair to us. Is this because He doesn't care for us? Is it because He is "picking on us?" Is it because He loves us and is trying to get us to see things from a different perspective (one that is not ours)? The following "email conversation" between a teacher and a former student may bring some better understanding to the question of whether God is "fair" or "unfair"


STUDENT: Ok I`m really lost right now and I dont know what to do. I didn`t know who else to turn to. Ok, my real dad lives in California, my uncle passed away, now my mom wants to leave. Im sick and tired of losing people. It really gives me the feeling that Im hated. Everything started when I was in the 7th grade so when I was with you and has been adding on to now. Im supposed to pray right? But, why does He have to constantly test me? I just want my life to go back to normal.


TEACHER:

The first thing I thought about when I read your email was a microwave. We (you, me, everyone else in the United States) live in a "microwave society" where we want things done fast, easy, and as painless as possible. However, (and you must remember this) God does not work this way. His timetable is eternal (as He is eternal) and He is "timeless" as He can and does exist outside of time--> for God created time. Ashley, you know I have always been straightforward with you about anything you ask me and I think you appreciate that. I won't "sugarcoat" what I say to you because (I think) you are simply seeking truth in this and don't want some "watered-down crap." (like when you add water to milk--> what does it taste like?--> watered-down crap

Now, that being said; there are some things that you need to understand--> It is not always about you... People deal with issues in life and sometimes these issues affect other people. Think about a time over the past year when one of your friends was going through something that bothered you. Did it directly affect you (meaning was your life dramtically altered due to this)? perhaps but not likely. Did it affect you in some way? sure, because you were her (or his) friend. Did you have any control over this situation? Probably not because you weren't that person. Did you want to help them? Probably because you are a caring person.

Now, compare that to this situation. Is it any different? Why, of course it is because this involves your own family. Ashley, you said that "you feel like you're hated" because of these situations: Did your uncle passing away have anything to do with this or is this more because of your family situation (dad in Cali. and mom wanting to leave).

Ashley, I KNOW this is hard to deal with. I have been through so much hell in my past and (as you know) one of the hardest things I had to go through was getting divorced. Noone wants to say they are a failure at anything and it was REALLY hard to go through that. I wouldn't wish divorce on anyone. The emotional toll it took on me was very very difficult. 4 years later, Ashely I look back and see that this was one of life's "tests" to shape me and mold me into the man I am today. See, Ashley tests are what make us into the people God wants us to be. That is why He ALLOWS us to be tested.

Ashley, one of the things I think is important for you to understand about God is that He sees the beginning, the middle, and then end (meaning--> before He created the world, now, and when the world will end; also--> before Ashley was created, Ashley right now as a would-be sophomore, and Ashley 50 years from now); so He has adjusted His time frame to better suit HIS WILL AND PURPOSE for you. Ashley, by allowing you to be tested, He is doing a couple of things:

1. Reminding you that He is God (which you know)
2. Training you up to be a more patient person. Ashley, I know it has been 3 years since you were a student in my class; but I do remember you had a fairly high amount of impatience. One of the things you MUST know about God is that He will continue to allow us to be tested until everything in us that is not of Him (rudeness, unkindness, pride, selfishness, etc...>) no longer has a handle on us. So, Ashley I really think the Lord is wanting you to know that your mom is not mad at you, that she has reasons that you may not even be aware of that are the cause of her wanting to leave, that she love you very much, that you haven't done anything to cause any of this.
3. Letting you know that He (God) has a big call on your life, Ashley. I would not say this unless I really thought it was true but Ashley I really think your life is going to be a life of wonder, of peace, of happiness, of joy, of excitement, of helping (where you help many people), of strength (where you will have your strength in the Lord and not have to worry about the things of this world (TV, internet, cell phones, etc) to make you happy, and that you will have all the desires of your heart happen because God will bring these to you....

Now, Ashley for that to happen you have got to seek to understand Him more. You are doing a good thing asking people who have "been there/done that." I went through much much tough stuff when I was younger and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. So, my whole purpose (one of them, at least) is to help those so that they don't have to go through the bullcrap and tough things I went through.

Regarding your uncle--> death happens. Not much we can do about it. I lost my grandpa when I was in 7th grade and it didn't make a lot of sense as to why he passed. I never got to know him but looking back, I wish I had taken more time to get to know him. Sometimes death is a wakeup call for us to appreciate people we care about even more than we have.

Ashley, praying is a good thing: It is important to come to Him in prayer. I want to ask you a question about this, Ashley: Are you praying for things that you think will get answered? Are you praying for things you have the faith to believe He will answer them?

Here is a verse in the bible that deals with "faith." This is from the book of James, Chapter 1, verses 5 and 6 (from the Amplified Bible)

"(verse 5) if any of you is deficient in wisdom, let him ask of the "giving God (who gives) to everyone liberally and ungrdgingly, wihtout reproaching or faultfinding, and it will be given to him. (verse 6) Only it must be in faith that he hasks with no wavering (no hesitiating, no doubting). For the one who wavers (hestitates, doubts) is like the billowing surge out at sea that is blown hither and thither and tossed by the wind."

Ashley, I share these verses with you because if you are praying to Him, then you should expect that He will answer your prayers. He said--> "ask and you shall receive" (book of Matthew and John), "seek and you will find," "knock and it shall be opened to you. Ashley, do not doubt that He will not answer your prayers. But, remember that sometimes, His way of answering our prayers is by being silent and not giving us the answer we (at the time) necessarily want. Remember that God will always give you the answer you need (which sometimes is not the same as what you may want). To have this make more sense to you, Ashley--> allow me to share something with you about my life. WHen I was a jr. and sr. in high school I dated a girl I really liked. She lived in Missouri and I lived in Ohio (at the time) so, it was very tough to see her. She and I corresponded (kept it touch) through letters and phone calls (email had not started yet--> was 3 years away from existing!) so it was VERY difficult to have an everyday communication. Phone bills were high because long distance calls cost $$ per minute. I REALLY liked this girl (thought I loved her) and was able to visit her for a week my freshman year in college and a week my sophomore year in college. I prayed and prayed that God would put us together in a relationship that would last for the rest of our lives (marriage). She and I laughed alot, liked sports, were both Christians, saw the positive in most things, and enjoyed communicating with eachother--> it should have worked, right? Well, the PROBLEM with her and me was that when we were together (in person) we argued CONSTANTLY. We could not seem to get along at all. She was everything I thought I wanted; until I hung out with her for a week. Then, I couldn't stand to be around her. Needless to say, the relationship was not "meant to be."

But I prayed for it to work! So, Ashley why did it not work? Because the thing I was praying for God to do was not what I should have been praying for. I should have been praying for Him to give me more "wisdom and understanding of Him (God)." I really think that is what you need to be asking Him for, Ashley. If I were you, I would pray that everyday and also ask Him to increase your love for Him, and to increase the sound of His voice in your heart (so that you could hear His voice more clearly inside your heart). He wants you to speak with Him Ashley but He also wants you to listen to Him when He speaks. I do believe that the things I have said here are things the Lord wants you to know. Ashley, God is fair and God is just but He also is a Father to you and me and everyone else. As any good father does, He will say things that we may not want to necessarily hear but these things are things that He wants us to know because it is what we need to hear. God will not always say, "Ashley, I love you. You are a wonderful person."

Does He think this about you, Ashley? yes, of course He does but He also is wanting to train you up to be a more patient person and the only way we are capable of being patient is to understand what patience is. Below is another scripture verse (James, chapter 1, verse 12) I think will help you understand why you are going through these things:

"Blessed (happy, to be envied) is the man (or woman) who is patient under trial and stands up under temptation, for when he (or she) has stood the test and been approved, he will receive [the victor's] crown of life which God has promised to those who love Him."

Ashley, God has some wonderful things planned for you in the near future. Now, this could be this week, this month, or during this next year. I'm not saying when but one of the things I know abou tGod is that when we are tested to the point of frustration and hurt and anger, He usually has something wonderful waiting for us. You just keep being you, Ashley. Stay faithful to Him, keep enjoying life the way you were meant to enjoy life.

Lastly, Ashley I want to give you something to think about: (To put this in perspective) If this were meant to hurt you (these tests), then is it possible that God is allowing these things to happen so that He can strengthen you? The human body is strengthened when the muscle fibers are actually torn (hurt) during a workout. Then they rebuild and repair but stronger. that is how muscles get bigger. God is trying to strengthen you, Ashley and when this happens, it can be a bit painful. Just let God be God, Ashley. He doesn't need any help doing His job. You just keep being Ashley...

If you want to become wise (which I know you do) then you have to ask God for Him to give you wisdom; for He is creator of all things that are good. He is wisdom and He is wanting to give you wisdom, Ashley. His plans for you are great, the life He has waiting for you has already begun but He is going to train you in some very unique and wonderful ways. Right now, the testing you are going through is molding you and shaping you to become a very strong person emotionally but ALSO to have a respectful fear of the Lord. The bible says "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom." You already acknowledge that God is up to something, here Ashley so you are doing the right thing! You are seeking some understanding to what is happening in your life :) And that is a REALLY good thing! Get to know God more by asking Him for the things I told you to ask Him for earlier in this email. If you do that everyday, I assure you that a GREAT sense of peace is going to come
into your life and you are going to be so happy and satisfied with your life over the course of the next year. Don't worry about a thing because your life (through all of this) is going to become the normal life God wants you to have and it is going to be MUCH MUCH better then what you thought it would be :)

I speak about wisdom so much because it is very important. Below are some scriptures which will help you:


Proverbs 4: 5--> "Get skillful and godly Wisdom, get understanding (discernment, comprehension, and interpretation); do not forget and do not turn back from the words of my mouth."

Proberbs 4:6--> "Forsake not (Wisdom) and she will keep, defend, and protect you; love her and she will guard you."

Proverbs 4:7--> " The beginning of Wisdom is: get Wisdom (skillfull and godly Wisdom)! [For skillfull and godly Wisdom is the principal thing.] And with all of you have gotten, get understanding (discernment, comprehension, and interpreation)"

Probers 4:8--> "Prize Wisdom highly and exalt her, and she will axalt you and promote you; she will bring you honor when you embrace her."

Proberbs 4:9--> "She (wisdom) will give to your head a wreath of gracefulness; a crown of beauty and glory will she deliver to you."

1st Corinthians 3:19--> "For this world's wisdom is foolishness (absurdity and stupidity) with God, for it is written, He lays hold of the wise in their (own) craftiness