But God, it's not fair!

God, I am SOOOO hurt by this! Noone understands... Noone! My feelings are really really hurt! Why are you doing this to me? Don't you understand how much this hurts? Are you even listening to me, God? I thought you loved me... I keep hearing about how loving you are and how you won't allow your "sheep to go astray." But this is not what I expected from you! If you love me, then fix this! Make it go away.......

Our God is a righteous God. He is a fair God. He is the master builder and the one who calls us to build our house on rock rather than sand. However, the things He can (and does) do often seem to be unfair to us. Is this because He doesn't care for us? Is it because He is "picking on us?" Is it because He loves us and is trying to get us to see things from a different perspective (one that is not ours)? The following "email conversation" between a teacher and a former student may bring some better understanding to the question of whether God is "fair" or "unfair"


STUDENT: Ok I`m really lost right now and I dont know what to do. I didn`t know who else to turn to. Ok, my real dad lives in California, my uncle passed away, now my mom wants to leave. Im sick and tired of losing people. It really gives me the feeling that Im hated. Everything started when I was in the 7th grade so when I was with you and has been adding on to now. Im supposed to pray right? But, why does He have to constantly test me? I just want my life to go back to normal.


TEACHER:

The first thing I thought about when I read your email was a microwave. We (you, me, everyone else in the United States) live in a "microwave society" where we want things done fast, easy, and as painless as possible. However, (and you must remember this) God does not work this way. His timetable is eternal (as He is eternal) and He is "timeless" as He can and does exist outside of time--> for God created time. Ashley, you know I have always been straightforward with you about anything you ask me and I think you appreciate that. I won't "sugarcoat" what I say to you because (I think) you are simply seeking truth in this and don't want some "watered-down crap." (like when you add water to milk--> what does it taste like?--> watered-down crap

Now, that being said; there are some things that you need to understand--> It is not always about you... People deal with issues in life and sometimes these issues affect other people. Think about a time over the past year when one of your friends was going through something that bothered you. Did it directly affect you (meaning was your life dramtically altered due to this)? perhaps but not likely. Did it affect you in some way? sure, because you were her (or his) friend. Did you have any control over this situation? Probably not because you weren't that person. Did you want to help them? Probably because you are a caring person.

Now, compare that to this situation. Is it any different? Why, of course it is because this involves your own family. Ashley, you said that "you feel like you're hated" because of these situations: Did your uncle passing away have anything to do with this or is this more because of your family situation (dad in Cali. and mom wanting to leave).

Ashley, I KNOW this is hard to deal with. I have been through so much hell in my past and (as you know) one of the hardest things I had to go through was getting divorced. Noone wants to say they are a failure at anything and it was REALLY hard to go through that. I wouldn't wish divorce on anyone. The emotional toll it took on me was very very difficult. 4 years later, Ashely I look back and see that this was one of life's "tests" to shape me and mold me into the man I am today. See, Ashley tests are what make us into the people God wants us to be. That is why He ALLOWS us to be tested.

Ashley, one of the things I think is important for you to understand about God is that He sees the beginning, the middle, and then end (meaning--> before He created the world, now, and when the world will end; also--> before Ashley was created, Ashley right now as a would-be sophomore, and Ashley 50 years from now); so He has adjusted His time frame to better suit HIS WILL AND PURPOSE for you. Ashley, by allowing you to be tested, He is doing a couple of things:

1. Reminding you that He is God (which you know)
2. Training you up to be a more patient person. Ashley, I know it has been 3 years since you were a student in my class; but I do remember you had a fairly high amount of impatience. One of the things you MUST know about God is that He will continue to allow us to be tested until everything in us that is not of Him (rudeness, unkindness, pride, selfishness, etc...>) no longer has a handle on us. So, Ashley I really think the Lord is wanting you to know that your mom is not mad at you, that she has reasons that you may not even be aware of that are the cause of her wanting to leave, that she love you very much, that you haven't done anything to cause any of this.
3. Letting you know that He (God) has a big call on your life, Ashley. I would not say this unless I really thought it was true but Ashley I really think your life is going to be a life of wonder, of peace, of happiness, of joy, of excitement, of helping (where you help many people), of strength (where you will have your strength in the Lord and not have to worry about the things of this world (TV, internet, cell phones, etc) to make you happy, and that you will have all the desires of your heart happen because God will bring these to you....

Now, Ashley for that to happen you have got to seek to understand Him more. You are doing a good thing asking people who have "been there/done that." I went through much much tough stuff when I was younger and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. So, my whole purpose (one of them, at least) is to help those so that they don't have to go through the bullcrap and tough things I went through.

Regarding your uncle--> death happens. Not much we can do about it. I lost my grandpa when I was in 7th grade and it didn't make a lot of sense as to why he passed. I never got to know him but looking back, I wish I had taken more time to get to know him. Sometimes death is a wakeup call for us to appreciate people we care about even more than we have.

Ashley, praying is a good thing: It is important to come to Him in prayer. I want to ask you a question about this, Ashley: Are you praying for things that you think will get answered? Are you praying for things you have the faith to believe He will answer them?

Here is a verse in the bible that deals with "faith." This is from the book of James, Chapter 1, verses 5 and 6 (from the Amplified Bible)

"(verse 5) if any of you is deficient in wisdom, let him ask of the "giving God (who gives) to everyone liberally and ungrdgingly, wihtout reproaching or faultfinding, and it will be given to him. (verse 6) Only it must be in faith that he hasks with no wavering (no hesitiating, no doubting). For the one who wavers (hestitates, doubts) is like the billowing surge out at sea that is blown hither and thither and tossed by the wind."

Ashley, I share these verses with you because if you are praying to Him, then you should expect that He will answer your prayers. He said--> "ask and you shall receive" (book of Matthew and John), "seek and you will find," "knock and it shall be opened to you. Ashley, do not doubt that He will not answer your prayers. But, remember that sometimes, His way of answering our prayers is by being silent and not giving us the answer we (at the time) necessarily want. Remember that God will always give you the answer you need (which sometimes is not the same as what you may want). To have this make more sense to you, Ashley--> allow me to share something with you about my life. WHen I was a jr. and sr. in high school I dated a girl I really liked. She lived in Missouri and I lived in Ohio (at the time) so, it was very tough to see her. She and I corresponded (kept it touch) through letters and phone calls (email had not started yet--> was 3 years away from existing!) so it was VERY difficult to have an everyday communication. Phone bills were high because long distance calls cost $$ per minute. I REALLY liked this girl (thought I loved her) and was able to visit her for a week my freshman year in college and a week my sophomore year in college. I prayed and prayed that God would put us together in a relationship that would last for the rest of our lives (marriage). She and I laughed alot, liked sports, were both Christians, saw the positive in most things, and enjoyed communicating with eachother--> it should have worked, right? Well, the PROBLEM with her and me was that when we were together (in person) we argued CONSTANTLY. We could not seem to get along at all. She was everything I thought I wanted; until I hung out with her for a week. Then, I couldn't stand to be around her. Needless to say, the relationship was not "meant to be."

But I prayed for it to work! So, Ashley why did it not work? Because the thing I was praying for God to do was not what I should have been praying for. I should have been praying for Him to give me more "wisdom and understanding of Him (God)." I really think that is what you need to be asking Him for, Ashley. If I were you, I would pray that everyday and also ask Him to increase your love for Him, and to increase the sound of His voice in your heart (so that you could hear His voice more clearly inside your heart). He wants you to speak with Him Ashley but He also wants you to listen to Him when He speaks. I do believe that the things I have said here are things the Lord wants you to know. Ashley, God is fair and God is just but He also is a Father to you and me and everyone else. As any good father does, He will say things that we may not want to necessarily hear but these things are things that He wants us to know because it is what we need to hear. God will not always say, "Ashley, I love you. You are a wonderful person."

Does He think this about you, Ashley? yes, of course He does but He also is wanting to train you up to be a more patient person and the only way we are capable of being patient is to understand what patience is. Below is another scripture verse (James, chapter 1, verse 12) I think will help you understand why you are going through these things:

"Blessed (happy, to be envied) is the man (or woman) who is patient under trial and stands up under temptation, for when he (or she) has stood the test and been approved, he will receive [the victor's] crown of life which God has promised to those who love Him."

Ashley, God has some wonderful things planned for you in the near future. Now, this could be this week, this month, or during this next year. I'm not saying when but one of the things I know abou tGod is that when we are tested to the point of frustration and hurt and anger, He usually has something wonderful waiting for us. You just keep being you, Ashley. Stay faithful to Him, keep enjoying life the way you were meant to enjoy life.

Lastly, Ashley I want to give you something to think about: (To put this in perspective) If this were meant to hurt you (these tests), then is it possible that God is allowing these things to happen so that He can strengthen you? The human body is strengthened when the muscle fibers are actually torn (hurt) during a workout. Then they rebuild and repair but stronger. that is how muscles get bigger. God is trying to strengthen you, Ashley and when this happens, it can be a bit painful. Just let God be God, Ashley. He doesn't need any help doing His job. You just keep being Ashley...

If you want to become wise (which I know you do) then you have to ask God for Him to give you wisdom; for He is creator of all things that are good. He is wisdom and He is wanting to give you wisdom, Ashley. His plans for you are great, the life He has waiting for you has already begun but He is going to train you in some very unique and wonderful ways. Right now, the testing you are going through is molding you and shaping you to become a very strong person emotionally but ALSO to have a respectful fear of the Lord. The bible says "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom." You already acknowledge that God is up to something, here Ashley so you are doing the right thing! You are seeking some understanding to what is happening in your life :) And that is a REALLY good thing! Get to know God more by asking Him for the things I told you to ask Him for earlier in this email. If you do that everyday, I assure you that a GREAT sense of peace is going to come
into your life and you are going to be so happy and satisfied with your life over the course of the next year. Don't worry about a thing because your life (through all of this) is going to become the normal life God wants you to have and it is going to be MUCH MUCH better then what you thought it would be :)

I speak about wisdom so much because it is very important. Below are some scriptures which will help you:


Proverbs 4: 5--> "Get skillful and godly Wisdom, get understanding (discernment, comprehension, and interpretation); do not forget and do not turn back from the words of my mouth."

Proberbs 4:6--> "Forsake not (Wisdom) and she will keep, defend, and protect you; love her and she will guard you."

Proverbs 4:7--> " The beginning of Wisdom is: get Wisdom (skillfull and godly Wisdom)! [For skillfull and godly Wisdom is the principal thing.] And with all of you have gotten, get understanding (discernment, comprehension, and interpreation)"

Probers 4:8--> "Prize Wisdom highly and exalt her, and she will axalt you and promote you; she will bring you honor when you embrace her."

Proberbs 4:9--> "She (wisdom) will give to your head a wreath of gracefulness; a crown of beauty and glory will she deliver to you."

1st Corinthians 3:19--> "For this world's wisdom is foolishness (absurdity and stupidity) with God, for it is written, He lays hold of the wise in their (own) craftiness

June 27th

Son, I want you to read "Numbers 19."

But Father, I just opened the bible up to this page on accident.

Son, do you think this was an accident?

Oh, I see where you're going with this. Ok, Father I will read it.

Son, remember that it doesn't matter what you read in My Word. I will speak to you through any part of it......


Ok, Father; I have read it and now I want to read some Psalms and then some proverbs.....

I want you to read Numbers 20.

Why, Father?

Because it is important for you to understand that what I am going to tell you is going to be about both Numbers 19 and 20.

Ok, Father....

Father, I have read them both.

Son, now if you will recall what was written there, I spoke about the ritual of the law which I had commanded.

Yes, Father I remember reading this.

Son, tell me; have you enjoyed hearing what I am speaking with you about?

Father, I believe I should say "yes."

(laughing) Son, I realize that there are some things that may not (at first) seem that interesting that I speak to you about because not everything I say may seem as though I am addressing your life. This is not true because everything I speak to you about involves you because you are life and I am speaking to you about My creation; My life. Always remember that I have a point when I am speaking to you about something and that it is important to allow me to finish what I want to speak to you about before you ask me questions. Do I not know your questions before you ask them? Of course I do but I still want to be able to reason with you about a specific question you may have. Now, does this make sense to you?

Father, it's as if you knew exactly what was on my mind....

(laughing) well, son; that is what Fathers do. They can sense how their sons are feeing and what their sons are thinking. Son, do you know why I wrote about such details in Numbers 19?

I'm not sure I do, Father...

Son, it is important to know that the law was not able to be filled by men (or women). That is why Jesus came to destroy the law. The law was not necessary after My Son shed His blood for all mankind. Numbers 20 shows that Moses could fulfill a simple request I made to Him to take a rod and assemble the congregation and "tell the rock before their eyes to give forth its water." Moses did not listen to Me and chose to smote the rock twice with the rod I gave to Him. Son, because Moses was disobedient to a specific and direct command I gave to Him, there was a consequence to his choice. Do you understand what I am saying to you?

Yes, Father I do. But what about the other times in the old testament where people were disobedient? You didn't do the same thing to them?

Son, there are always consequences for people's actions. Do you know what happens to a bee if the flowers which produce the pollen for the bee to take are cut down with a lawnmower?

They have to go somewhere else then, Father.

Son, you are right. But you know this. However there are some things that happen in the spiritual realm that they natural eyes do not see and the natural ears do not hear. These things are not necessary to understand (for now) but it is important to know that there are consequences to every action a person does. Do you understand this, son?

I think so, Father.

Son, Moses heard Me directly tell Him to do something. It was My desire that the people he was to assemble have their faith increase by seeing water come out of the rock by simply saying to the rock to "give forth its water." But Moses did not do this and because He disobeyed a direct command, their were consequences. Now, My Son Jesus freed people of their sins but there is something else I want you to understand about this.

What is it, Father?

When you drink from a fountain, you know water is going to come up. When they drank from this rock I spoke of that Moses smote with the rock, they had no idea this rock would produce any water. They had no idea that this rock was water that would give them life. I am the rock and noone can drink from Me unless they proclaim the name of Jesus and in their heartbeat the name of Jesus can be heard.
Huh? Father, how can the name Jesus be heard in a person's heartbeat?

(laughing) Son, as I said to you before there are things that happen that the natural ears do not hear. ....

Father, I love you.

Son, you are greatly loved by Me.

JUNE 6th

Son, why are you inspired to write when I am speaking to you right now?

I was only trying to tell people what I wanted them to hear about you.

Son, tell me why are doing this...

Father, I have been without you for so long that I wanted to share to others the joy I have for you.

Son, why don't you ask Me to teach you to hear what I want to say to you?

Father, you ask me questions that you know the answer to. I always feel I have no one who understands me. I ask You speak to me, but then I become confused and don't understand what You are saying to me.

Son, why do you feel I am not speaking to you the words I want you to hear?

Because I don't hear you speak to me the things I ask you to speak to me about. I have no idea why it has become so hard for me to hear you. I simply want questions in my life answered but you refuse to answer them. I don't get it, Father. You say, "ask and you shall receive. Seek and you will find."

Son, is the student greater than the Master? Can a baby explain to his or her parents the wisdom of life? Can a baby cub teach her mother how to protect her young? These things are not possible. Son, the animals in nature hear My voice in everyday events; yet my sons and daughters don't hear my voice in their hearts.

Father, I don't understand what you are saying. I don't understand what you are saying. You are speaking to me words that make no sense. I asked you a question and I'm not getting an answer.

Son, and what answer is it that you are looking for? One that you want to hear or one that I want to tell you?

I want to hear you answer my questions, Father.

Son, if you will be still; then you will know that I am the God of Jacob, the God who raised Lazarus from the dead, the God who breathes life into your body that has been so denied of spiritual oxygen. Son, when you speak to me, much of your life I have required you to be still to simply learn how to be obedient to my voice. Son, it is through your obedience to My voice that My voice begins to resonate in your spirit-man. My spirit breathes life into your mind, will and emotions. These very words I speak are coming from the same spirit that raised Jesus (the Christ) from the dead. These words I speak to you, My dear son; these very words are the same words that were before the beginning and will be after the end. Does this make sense to you, my son?

I'm even more confused now. I simply want you to answer questions about my life but you are not doing what I ask.

Son, stop being stupid and listen to My words. I am bringing forth truth into your spirit-man which is restoring your soul; the very soul that was brought forth into this world by My spirit; which makes all things come into existence. You say you want Me to answer your questions, but am I not answering the question right now as to why you have for so long struggled with your own life? Does My word not speak of losing your own life to gain the life I desire to give to you?
Son, your whole life you have been performance driven. You have driven yourself insane by trying to please me through reading the bible, through praying repeatedly, through continuing to do things your way without allowing My Spirit to assist you.

Father, this is true what you are saying.

Son, of course this is true. For I am the way the truth and the life. Son, if you will notice, I am not speaking to you in "scriptureze."

"Scriptureze?"

Son, why do you always want Me to quote scripture to you when the words you are hearing are what you have been so longing for? See, most Christians say they want to hear My voice and to know me more but they don't. All they want is to make themselves look better by quoting words from a book, but have no understanding of the meanings of these words.

Father, I don't....

Son, let me finish what I am saying to you. If you will sit at my feet as Mary did when she sat at the feet of Jesus, I will not have to address you as a Martha who tried to please me by her actions. For I am already pleased by what My Son did on the cross. That pleased me and completed the necessary task I sent Him to do on this earth so that my dear children would have fellowship with Me. A student can not learn why 10 + 10 = 100 if he is not willing to listen to the teacher explain why. A pilot can not learn how to fly if she is not willing to listen to the teacher show her how to operate the controls of the plane. Do you understand what I am saying?

A little, Father....

Son, a man cannot exist in a relationship with a woman if he is not willing to listen to her speak. Just because he sits by her side does not mean he has any more understanding of her heart. Now, as I speak to you; I occasionally will use my reference book to illustrate a point. "As Jesus told His disciples, My sheep listen to my voice; I know them and they follow me. I know them and they are with Me."

Now son, these words I have just quoted also means this: sheep that to not listen to My voice; I do not know them and they do not follow me. I do not know them and they are not with me.

Father, how can you misquote these words from the very scriptures you wrote?

Son, when a student is in school; does the teacher not speak about what will happen if the rules of the class are not followed? Likewise, I can speak about sheep who are not of mine just as easily as I can speak about sheep who are mine. My words bring forth life. But too many people want to contain Me to a book. It is true that I inspired people to write a book that is the Word but I AM the Word. As I told my prophet John: "For in the beginning was the Word. And the word was with God, was God. He was with God in the beginning."

Son, a person can quote these words until they are blue in the face and they will have no greater understanding of what these words mean. Unless you allow the Word that is within you; (the very Word that was made flesh as Jesus the Christ) to speak to you what these words mean, you will have no more understanding of who I am than a man who talks nonstop to his wife but refuses to listen to her speak.

This same Word that was in the beginning is what is speaking to you right now. I am the Word.

Father, my head hurts....

Well of course it does and that is a good thing. My words are sharper than any two-edged sword and the pain that you feel is your flesh being separated from your spirit by My words. Your flesh has been so lied to by satan that your mind has been baptised into death. There is a baptism of life but you must also know there is a baptism of death for satan seeks to seek, kill, and destroy. The words he speaks kill. His words destroy the understanding of who I am. Satan is a very bad devil. For from the time you were born, he began his attacks on your mind. You were without my spirit then so he not only spoke to your mind, but he also spoke to your heart. You had no way to defend yourself against the devil's words. It was like a football team trying to stop the offense from scoring but with no defense on the field to do this. You began to believe these lies and eventually, you were convinced that the lies satan spoke of were actually truths. My angels protected you from death and yes, I only allowed Satan so much pull on the leash by which he is chained to but (dear son), you must remember that I gave the devil permission to do all these things. Do you understand these words I have spoken to you?

Father, my head hurts so much....

Son, you must be patient for this pain is necessary. I do not give spiritual band-aids. I give my words which bring forth life. This pain you feel is purging out the lies that you once believed. It is healing your mind of the filth that once existed. A son must lose his mind to know and accept that he has been adopted into My family. Most sons never know this. They walk around as aimlessly as a donkey without a master. Son, this is beginning to make sense to you, isn't it?

Yes, Father but what about the questions I want answered?

Son, a checkbook is hard to balance if one cannot add or subtract. Likewise, the questions you want Me to answer will be answered in due time. Son, truth doesn't come from reading the bible. All that does is give knowledge about Me. But this does not so much as give you one drop of understanding of who I am. I made you in My image and I am a jealous God. I long to have time with My children but I don't compete with cell phones, tv, internet, parties.

Father, are you telling me that I do all these things and that is why I have had so much trouble hearing your voice?

Son, My disciples frustrated Me greatly with their lack of understanding of the things I was speaking to them. But as they grew to listen to me, they began to be filled with wisdom. Did Peter's shadow heal the sick because he was any more spiritual than Luke, Paul, or David? Son, great understanding of what is the width, length, depth, and height of My love does not come from attending church meetings, not from singing worship songs, not from praying (sometimes without ceasing), not from memorizing scripture, not from being an elder or a deacon. None of these things will produce any fruit that will last. For the branch cannot bear fruite by itself, it must remain in the vine.

Father, I feel like I have failed you.

Son, why do you feel this way?

Father, I have not gotten the answers I asked for and now I feel as though you are disappointed in me.

Son, do not feel this way for you have done the good thing and sat at My feet. A good son listens to His Father. But you must continue to wait on Me. Wait on Me with your whole life. I will never leave you and never forsake you. I will continue to be your guide and your protector. If you will seek Me with your whole heart, you will never have to worry about your life for I will give you understanding of all things concerning your life.

Father, how do I do this?

Son, rest now. Allow these words to resonate throughout your soul. Think about the things I have said to you. As the days, progress I will speak to you again. Son, you can always speak to Me and I will always listen. I may not always answer (right away) but know that you will hear My voice....

Father, I love you so much.

Son, I love you too...